The Journal of Provincial Thought

By Tentulla Numbasi

Hairy Putter and the Deadly Swallows, by I.P. Freely  Forty-third in the endless fantastico-adventure series about Hairy Putter, Schoolboy Golf Wizard, and his adventures at Dognutz Goff School and on greens and fairways all over western England. In this one, Al Quaeda has outfitted swallows with teeny bombs and turned them loose to disrupt the British Open, and young Hairy must make up spells and conjure benign demons to thwart the baddies. Cameo appearances by Hairy’s eternal nemesis Prof. Schwineschnoggle and other scary creatures.  Hairy has now learned to ride off on his flying mashie-niblick whenever threatened.

Godforsaken, by Anne Collop  Whiny discourse on misunderstood political theories and a welter of paranoid, blasphemous and ignorant pronouncements by an astonishingly anorectic woman with no credentials.  Many episodes of self-pity laced with towering self-regard make it virtually unreadable to any mature adult, though it has become the New Testament of under-14 Young Republicans and dedicated followers of ultra-violent computer games.  Many entertaining proofreading errors and solecisms.

Everything I Know I Learned in Graduate School, by Russell Squamish  Rudimentary philosophy for dolts, written by one who knows.  Premised on the idea that children are only spoiled by being taught anything of intellectual substance.  The author tested his theories during 14 years teaching remedial composition and talking at the Scranton Polytechnic School of Mechanic Arts.  Features lists of spelling words and mindless math problems.  No peeking at the answers!

Eat Sh*t and Leave, by Wanda Doover  Surprise hit about diagramming sentences, parsing rare verb tenses, reaming out adverbs, locating by algorithm adequate synonyms and other abstruse problems of grammatology, semantics and orthography.  Endless examples of right and wrong language, all mixed up. Thousands of puzzled readers bought this or received it via bootleg book-club and were left confounded by what it is all about.  Be prepared for humongous longueurs!

Somebody Mooned My Cheese, By Flatullo Spondulicks, M.B.A.  Engrossing diatribe about modern economics and self-exposure by a biz addict, written in childishly simple terms and with pop-up graphs and charts.  Attempts to refute such old saws of economic thought as Gresham’s Law, the Law of Averages and the Law of Diminishing Returns by using first-year algebra and semiotic theory.  Attractive line drawings, contour maps and color photos enhance drab text.

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Copyright 2007- WJ Schafer & WC Smith - All Rights Reserved

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leftover bestsellers 4 sale cheap at remainder tables & deep discount houses:  catch up on summer reading this January!
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