Seemingly endless series (1951-??) about time-traveling geek who is presumably immortal but keeps changing his appearance and whole personality every time the cast collapses or absconds. A teenie cult favorite of pandemic proportions, it is famous for inept and incongruous set design, staging and acting and usually relies on the appearance of a fleet of flying garbage cans with droning robot voices to rescue floundering plotlines and threaten the extinction of humankind. Dok travels with juvenile assistant (male or female or other) of subnormal intelligence. Runs about 50 minutes or so per episode.
Movie series (1978-2005) as unkillable as its eponymous character (or thing), best known for scenes with curvaceous Eppie Schweinfurt in skimpy underwear and pintsized Shakespearean Ron Dwelt as a milk-veined android. First film highlighted alien birth-process, including self-caesarian explosion from some poor sod’s chest cavity, while later films focus on the various shiny moving parts of the creature as it grinds and masticates legions of space marines. Running time—damn near forever.
Available in two versions—the old reliable Cold War analog (1953) by animation wizard George Buddy, featuring hyper-detailed scale models in mortal combat and the more recent vehicle (2005) designed for tedious (and dwarfish) megastar Kosmo Gleep, sprinting through miles of burning sets and suffering anxiety attacks while trying to clear his E-meter readings. Both miles away from H.G. Wells’s original story and full of bizarre continuity errors. Both run way too long. Where is Orson Welles (or even H.G.) when we need him?
Last gasp from cinemagenius Lukas Skywart, ending series (1969-97) of big-screen exercises in mystical prognostication that started with S.O. 2000. This one introduces even more sinister talking computers like PAL and GAL, who reveal their plot to take over Earth and turn it into a recharging station for transgalactic robot vehicles. As usual, gasp-inducing visual effects combined with acting as wooden as a Thonet chair and twice as tortuous. The plot dissolves into Zen koans about halfway through reel one, but viewers never notice. Running time—well beyond our ken.
Klassik 1957 b & w sci-sludge about gigantic crickets who threaten to take over
Series of creepy tales (1959-63) with major actors (Garry Krant, Red Zippers, Angelina Adipocere, Stevo McKing, etc.) and boatloads of blatant irony, from the daze of b & w TV, when sets and acting styles were both chopped from corrugated cardboard. Introduced by Ed Sullenpan-look-alike writer Rob Starling in patented staccato style. Scripts from first-rate Golden Age hacks like Pool Gunderson Aiee Riand, Ima Dick and Goober Dinkidorff, obsessive and annoying musical theme by Montie Vonnie and His Magic Theremin. Each episode 28 ½ min.
Exuberant cheapjack drive-in fare (1961) featuring washed-up vampire-flick star Umbo Throne, former fan-dancer Sallee Furth and failed burlesque komik Bunzy Lee in tale of woman fed male hormones and turned loose on Broadway to attack traffic, hurl busses around and generally conjure chaos and unleash the dogs of war until subdued by those same forces—National Guard, Boy Scouts, Epworth League (the Flying Wing had crashed and burned)—used in Those! Stock footage seems the same, too. Hmmm. Running time: 66 min.
An SF masterpiece (1956) by Scotto-Teutonic director Duncan Dönitz, starring mystic actor Remi Ngton as Dr. Mstpltx, visiting alien wizard, and ancient stuntman Al Gonguin as his giant robot Klack-2. A huge sombrero-shaped flying saucer lands in Washington, D.C., and the aliens demand reform on nuclear crises, global warming and interminable wars from the US government but are thoroughly frustrated by stalling, dawdling, prevarication, amendments, boondoggles, pork, add-ons and plain chicken-sh*t cowardice, so Mstplx and Klack-2 fly back to Ambrosia VI in a great big snit. Filmed in glorious b & w. Running time: 112 min.
| jptArchive Issue 5 |
| Copyright 2008- WJ Schafer & WC Smith - All Rights Reserved |
| The Journal of Provincial Thought |
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