Inutility
long life and degree burns from the acid residues of sociedal flux, what an flock of barnies will believe. He hath writ the booke on that which washeth, and the pamflet on that which stacketh up, concerning rule & obediense. Upon a time, he his self was a guvment man of the Order of Orderers, a crap blaster with an hard Mars heart and stiletto elbows that cat his way through crowds. Then, he gat seduce-ed by the arts of subtlety, and waxt furtive at his work. Yet ran he fivefold e’en stronger thataway, cajoling the total louts into loyalty. Belove-ed was he of the flagweavers, sooth, for ev’ry house of old Jurckuan flew high the pricey gilded banners of the land.
Then came a time of decisions (saith Maven VII). For Pablem heard that he was old, and hath no hair upon his head. And he taken stock of his life, saying, An wheel (or The Wheel) hath turnd, and here & now am I old, and have no hair upon mine head. And he quitted from his work, and was swallerd by the gluttonis streets.
Now, this Maven’s apprentice flext and said, Pabbolim, ehh. Yea, that hath mine approval. But by-goddsa, make him come hither! For our self regard is of the high variety, neither play we beggar for audience of any man. ’Tis the granting of audience that we do, and the nixing, that causeth all to appreciate that we still are the great ones, Oogoo or no.
And the flexing, and his fine voice, did impress them. Zound, said they, He is a model to us all; to be young is a worthy goal! (Yet, his master the Seventh Maven fix-ed him with an evil eye for the whang of ambishin ablowing from his pores. Especial for that invasien of the office of Image, for that hungry blatent charade as Imagerian-apparent in suggesting ways to garner men’s appresiasien, Seventh drew bead upon the crowing apprentiss.)
(Nor much cared Seventh for the way Bel Grande strutten his own allege-ed Fame and
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allege-ed Oogooie. Of all the Mavens, Seventh were the most invaded, most presum’d-against, most perturbd by famestrutting; and there were no more embitterd officer on the world, save the embitterd Maven Five.)
And it came to pass, that the Eight Mavens issue-ed they out a decree, that straightway should Pablem Goneryte be hauld in humility bloomers unto the central seat of Ministry—Seatus Centralis Mynistoriaminom—to be examind, and of course should he bring gifts. And there came then seven different Pabla the Once Wickeds, of seven different walks, seven diff’nt set o’ expectasiens; but neither came the very one which they sought, who knew necessitatae. Nevertheless kept the Mavens all the gifts brought in, playing by letter of law.
And they sent they out a fleet of seekingpigeons in widely haild secrecy and sought him. And by and by the pigeon Roost & Roast did find him tetherd by robbers to a camel’s belly and drifting in the desert, crazed with hunger for rotted flesh, for he had been bit by the geseetic eetch. And there was fighting in the air for the find, as the fleet was right green, and workt not well to gether.
And Pablum paus-ed from his raving when that his whirlogig eyes rockt to a stop upon a torn Corps Pigeon fallen there alongsides. And through one glazing eye, the pigeon seen him, and saith, Qeww, and did expire. And the Jurck hove on again with his ravings.
And a rain of torn pigea dropt dead upon the sand about, and vultures arrived. And likewise falling were the pigeon Falsefeather, that same rumord betrayer of legendry Deuce Coop Squadren to the eagles. And likewise arrive-ed vultures for Falsefeather; for ended were the days of an infamis pijjin, peckt beyond reckning.
And the Mavens declared their status Coda Alapha Tau, Pendens Teshdonnos, Pending Touchdown on high in the rondivu loft pursuant unto the homing feature of their pigeons, this fleet dubbd Aeroflot Nationales.
And one of the Mavens murmurd, saying, There is nought to do whilst we wait. But others had brought their poodels to powder, and pigs to grease, and tomes of personel impowerment the such as How Riche Wouldst Thou? and Winning With Daemonic Verse. Therefore hollow were their glances upon the complainer, for that his lethargies were patheddic. And he took dice, and blew them, and commenst to cast them here and there, e’en off the legs of those about, and acrosst their feet. And of libatien he began to quaff, vexing that comp’ny with the glottal glugs of his rude goozle. And he set to gorging on lardy munchmeats, tho his vigil physician stompt & stewd & buried him in curses.
Now by and by came high those pigeons not dasht by riot or seized by eagles. And one of them flourisht into a beauty dive callt Cheat the Reaper, fetching up in the instant ere impact and alighting upon the plate of Bel Grande (which was that very rascal gorging and dicing abouts). Ssee here, saith that Maven’s lips through a slick of munchmeat grease, ’Tis Roosst & Roasst; and sshe hath in her talonss a plug of the hair and sscalpf of the Furtive Jurck. Ssend forth now ssome ssendees, follow these burdss, and bring me back the Jurck!
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And one Maven there, scanning landers as they lit, faild to find his flyer. And he crieth to the gods and the stench of the loft, Where then is Falsefeather? Who hath seen my wife’s old cock? Marry, the woman hath drawn an oath to bend me o’er a buggobar and pack me with cactis, come the day I sign him out to calamity! Only hope that she die in her hammick when she hear the news, yea, right gone ere she reach me.
And when that Pablum Correctad was brought from that far desert unto Seatus Centralis and cut loose from the camel’s belly there upon the rostrum, lo, his tongue was thick and grey in the way of the eetchbit, and he could impart unto them nought which oughts be believed, nor which oughts not, nor what washeth or stacketh up or hath enthralling cadense, nor nothing. And tho they slappt & puncht & poled, the same.
And at last, up alongsides his face came Bel Grande afrown, and said, Sirrah sirrah, Mister Omniscius. My paramount weeping regret in a peerless life loud live-ed is this: the fragmentasien ripple we have sent o’er the face of thy serenity, jostling thee outen thy quiet retirement upon the sands. Return now unto the belly of thy beast, unto thy reflectiens, and unto thy nebulous destinies in the far horizen.
And the Once-Wicked were tied again and sent drifting upon the dezzert. Tho out there, can a man be happy?
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