Inutilitymealy, and which deem us all of kindred stature; which speak to and of me goofowhimsmodally, according to their goofins’ whims, and vote me down. Look. I am renown-ed, celebrated in the pavilien, where oft I loom establishing great intentions: Yea me, I shall go (avers I) and bring about this & that, being the power that I am. Then, doth not it tear me down to be balloted under, and defeated in my way by Mavens One through Four, Six through Eight? O! Mighty me, mighty me.
And he prayed that his following might soon forget his failings. And a spirit-being appeard unto him, and said, Those children which surround thee in the povilaen, they are no followers. For they agglutinate aroundabouts thee not for thine able boastage, nor to steep in the well of thy gravidy, but to pluck off and steal thy finery and baubles when that thou hast thine eyes tight closed in loquacious selfworshop: that is the was machts of their patronage. And the spirit-being tarnisht the room, and departed.
And all these things were taken by the Fifth Mhahvhenh as a sign that he should gird up and go alone unto the chamber of Shirullah and cut him to pieces with yukyuk shears. The Maven hath these chopfers in abundance, for he him self hath made them to sell—tho, none were yet purchast
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after countless seasons of shouting & vending in the lane.
Hence early ere the roostor woke and crew, came there a pommeling upon the door of Shirullah the examiner, like as of some frenzied man-goat which trieth to plow down the door and enter in. And came a panickt scratching, like as of a chicken ablaze. And ensue-ed next an arrhythmus upon that Shirrulahn door, as of some urgent hand that tappeth out upon it the personal mazurka of the lurker sudden flusht from the bushes by constable hounds and come aseeking sanctch’ry in the husht abode of a miscreant guild.
And muse-ed an ever-wakeful Shirullah within, So, a spoiler. It seemeth that my murmurings that I will ride this horse & that have been heard with cups against the wall; and now goeth an incensed seditious conspirator against the ballot of his fellows, coming here in the night to dismay me keen, rather than, as they likely have balloted, waiting till the morrow (which I my self do favor).
And he arase up from his straw and went and opend the door, and seeth there his natien’s Minister of Violence writhing out the crashdance of agony upon the earth, having brake his hand and his knee, and lost an eye, and crusht the towering fresco of Venus, Gown Down which he bore upon his battlecap—all, in casting him self against the spike-ed selfdefending door that skewereth and smasheth intruders. And Shirullah said unto him, ’Twere unbarrd, Grand Lorde Ministre; thou hadst but to rap considerate and enter.
And the Minister were fast with his pride, and gat him self up, thinking, I shall have opium shortly.
And Shirullah furrowd and said unto him, Wherefore swoonest thou there before my door at this castaway hour, Minister? And, wherefore lookst thou upon me with sepulchre eyes? And he said further, Shall I presume that thou hast sortied hither to badger me widouts proper papers? And then also made he to jest, saying, Or wudst thou to cut me to pieces with those yukyuk shears I see there behind thy back, which shears thou hast tried to sell since I were liddle?
new shoes in the corner—and I know their maker, they are good shoes—thy stroll in them were a short ender, for they shall coddle new feet directly: perhap mine own, and hap not, as my feet are longest of all the Mavensfeet. I have measured them during council sessia. And they are longer in fact—these feet—than any others I have yet seen! But so much for feet, and frost, and smoke, and waxes (but the Minister had mentioned no waxes; but he saith, And waxes). Let us now to our bizniss, which is for me, to snip thee atrociously with my popular yukyuk shears; and is for thee, to be snipt, and persuaded to extinction for me—for us all. Yea, as I did snip Flimsin the Visibly Reduce-ed, who had come upon a sly way to breathe, evading the belov-ed Breath License that so larded Lon Ross guvmentworks with lucre, e’en so shall I snip thee. But poor, poor face, stretch not in such horror! Thou hast been a favorite of mine, and I shall alway have the memries; so not all is lost, in this. Say. Thou knowst the way, examinor: some must live, some must notte.
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Now gaze-ed Shirullah the examiner upon the yukyuk shears with an few atoms of respect, saying by & by, They seem well made, in fact.
And the Fifth Maven illumind, and effervesc-ed, saying, Sooth, they are! O, they are! And now seeings that thou hast an appreciasien for them, hap thou wouldst enjoy to purchase these very shears before thee now, to own them, that I needs must return with another if an I would to snip thee. Yea, thou mightst e’en to compose an few stanzas more of sleep ere I return—the which thou well couldst use, by the red of thine eyen. What saist thou, friendly examinar? As thou canst see, they are fine yukyuk shears. By the Hand of the Man! (And he raisd he up his hand, and oscillated it before the face of Shirullah.) Now. For thee alone, on this certain night only—for after all, thy time is come—let be the cost a shingle diminisht, at only Eight. What saist thou? Wha?
And the examiner bore with full examinarial acuity upon the yukyuk shears, and commenst to draw up from them impressiens of imperfecksien here, and disastrous flaw there, and loose vines binding them, which all set these shears snip for snip amongst the worst he had viewn. And this examiner had viewn bad shears. Moreover, discernd he upon their handle an faded price which the Maven long ago had scriben thereupon in pretense of selling at loss and ceasing from bizniss, from which price the Maiven hath since reneged; and he hath tried to scratch it away. And the scratcht price were this, Five shingles of molybdenum. And the face of Shirullah were lengthened with indignation commensurate unto the differens of Five and Eight.
Whereupon, seeing the lengthened face of Shirullah, the Minister said unto him, Said I Eight? Of course I slippt; ’tis an old fault of my lip, which was struck by a meteor as I stood practising my kiss. No, not Eight. But in stead, I meant to say, steadsof, that I shall deliver eight shears, for One shingle; this were what I mean’d. Steadsof. What saist thou, fabulous examiner? Eight for One. What saist thou?
And Shirullah’s eyes went to slidts. And he answered and said, What settest thou about here to do, Minister? To sully the memory of me in the memries of my friends and of histry? Two generatia of man have shunnd thy—what is’t that thou didst call them, shears? But, even after the people had made thee Maven, endeavring to be plagued by thee no more beside the road, nevertheless persistedst thou to go out with thy shittimwood cart laden with those yukyuk shears, and blow plague any way, believing thy self now popular, hap thinking to milk thy Mavenhood, leveraging sales. ’Tis clear to all, Number Five—clear especial to the families of those who have killd them selfs to be free of thy tormenting hawkery—that thou hast one call alone, which is to foister thy shears upon the innocent, e’en should the fair city discompose around thee and hell descend about, ushered down by Two Horn Baboo. (And Shirullah made the fingersigns of hell descending about.)
And he came again and said, Buy thy shears? As well to score the moniker Dooky Fool upon my mausoleum; to publish in lights that my mother hath cavorted in the stables, such an ass hath she birth-ed. Hast thou in mind for me a room in thy swank governorium, or a country bungaloe with hussies, wherein I may to stay? For I could not stay here, with those shears. Buy thy prepostris shears! I shall hoe the row my father hoed, and my sisters. No straighter shall I hoe (for hoeing is not my delight), but surely no crookier (for neither was it theirn). Therefore likewise shall I taint not my dignoty by suffering pollutien to ride upon mine house—the where, after all, I do intend to abide.
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Look about, Minister. There are respectibol items here. Wouldst thou to touch off rot amongst sweet peaches? Yea, a man permitteth rot to go upon his composts, and upon his wasting father; not so, his sweet peaches. Slay me, if an thou be so gruesome; but beseech me neither again to oblige thy demented pitch.
And the Fifth Meyven, Minister of Violence, Lord of Slumms, Maidstalker of Craven Acres, the Pickaxe Prince of Phartindumpf, stood and cried; for his feelings were torn to hell. And Shirullah stood before him, seeing him to cry. And the Maven, which were crying, also watched Shirullah through his veil of tears.
Now by and by the Fifth Maven hove to and ceast. And he said, Tho ’twere prefferbol to cry on my time steadsof thine, ne’ertheless, ’twere renderd necess’ry, for my feelings were torn to hell. And he cockt oddly his head and said, Hast thou any feelings, examiner? And when that he cockt his head, almo lost he his battlecap, with its cruncht fresco of Venus, Gown Down; but he reacht up his hand which he had brake, and arrested it.
But lo, Shirullah totterd there in a deep fear freeze—fear for his natien, he realising that the loose bowel of goverment lay in the humen wreck which he saw standing before him; and the future were surely soild. And there was no bottom in his feeling, and ’twere horrable, as like as when he seen his wife with the witches, ere she vanisht. And his mind were crasht in desolatien upon the far tundra.
And the Fifth Maven rockt back to study his man, and presently said unto him, E’en more, superlative egsaminer, e’en more. If an thou buy the eight for One shingle, then will I—what is this brother-sense come upon me?—then will I deliver up to thee two more besides, au gratis, making it ten, the full Maven’s Dozen. I am certain, that not even the Lord hath ten shears laid by! And see: should they fail, and collapse into breaklets—which of course they will—then here are some vines, that thou mayst fix them, and set again to snipping. And so, what saist thou, eh, what saist thou? Wha? Ask not more; ’tis all I can go, and likely more than o’morrow’s rueful reflectien will condone.
And Shirullah thought, Being fraze with fear for my natian, how then might I chip free my mind from this icy horizon, and unfrost my sight, and seize a south sled home, and pilot through this chilling episode? And tho he chippt and chippt, he were going no where. And his mind’s tears fraze upon its cheek; and he were buried in the drift of a millien year. —But hark! a rummage-rat triggerd down an avolanche of barley in the closet, and Shirullah snappen back into his nightlife here with the Minister. And thrice he blinkt, and his smeary visien unmorpht and lockt in on pure Maven. And the thought crosst his thawing mind, I am home.
And he found tongue and spake, saying, Make it the lot, Maven, and I will bite; for then will I drag them all, at mine own peril, unto the lip of the firefire mountain—which I know to be in fact the lip that was struck by a meteor, and not thy lipf—and I will dispoze of them therein, beyond resurrexien.
And the Minister said, Thou wouldst offend me so? For remember, I made them; I am the maker.
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And Shirullah answered and said, I would; and offend also, moreso than thee, the god which liveth in the fiery mount, when that he receiven these terribal shears. But, I would risk unrav’ling the mobius of Time its self, and seeing all circumstance suckt back to the Mothermoment, to thwart a fewture infested with these loathsome monstors, these unperfessienal collapsers thou callest shears. Thou wouldst neither know shears, Mavon, if an they lept up and nippt thy loaf.
And it came to pass that the Fifth Maven of Mome, being the Minister of Violence and a right vicious wick, did snip Shirullah the examiner atrociously, and did prune him famously, yea, for all time prune-ed he him, sallah. 
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