Inutilityself, and enjoyd the sweet shiver of surprise to find there a man posing foot forward and coild to spring. Therefore urge-ed he unto himself, Seize the reins, Examminari; thou canst now arise and go afoistering upon the people that which thou thy self concoctest, accruing followers to scold and tax whilst wallowing thy wooly way asaddle this hobbld horse, this staggring steed that is the guvment of Mome. Anyata, anyata, anyata, which meaneth, And so forth. [Woe this age the primordium, which pitteth caprishis grammatix upon discerning honest ears! For by the curse of lingual fiends, a third anyata dissolveth its immediot preceding and dissolveth also its self, cropping solo a trick trifectum of anyatae.] And he revvd his rhythms and announc-ed further volumes of erupting ambishen.
But several of Mome’s good Mavens stood listning through cups against the wall of this examiner’s chamber. For alway they had thoght, Some day will this serendipitis examiner, whilst composing hokum in his room, step in something sweet, some utterance that we in our glory pangs might desire to purloin—hap a grabsome ditty, or a cosmologic conundrum from which we may derive and market a book of posers.
6 
But hark, they hearen him to murmur, I may now do this and that astride guvment. He, not they. What man were he to do this and that astride gu’mment, seizing reins and afoistring? And they were galled, and chafed, and incense-ed, and e’en a nib frighted; and their good humer expire-ed, and went the way of the wing-ed wonkie, which once ran all about but by & by fell estinct. And they would to have callt Shirullah a Towering Thomas for his presumption to tower over others, were that not the very despise-ed calling that the people did call those Mavens them selfs. (Forsooth, fortnightily hath some one scriben upon a barrowcart, Ye Towering Thomassie, and crasht it flaming into the Mingo Ross.)
And the Mavens all did convene behind his wall to plot against him, saying, Time again to annihilate sumbody. And the Fifth Maven, which were the Minister of Violence, said, Well, there is it, then: lil Ride-High Shirullah would spread his own margerine arse across our stallien state, seizing guvment and setting up him self—steadsof Me—as Coercent Offishiot, trampoling our extreme authoridy and stampeding our edgy outfitte, provoking all our naturol jealousies. And next? To have us tongue & torso to the floor, sent wriggling before him, buttwhippt & duly spookt, nudging ahead of us for acceptance the sundry culin’ry delicacies we shall have confected in terror of his pleasure: pufft snails glaze-ed with brillient hues of sucrose slather, sprinkt with powders of cinnimin or clove, stage-ed on revolving discs neath silver; batsmilk curd-&-cream in bloodruby gobbolets plunderd from our loving mothers’ cupboards; bridesmaid’s tears on buttercup petols; pig-parts dockt deep in a jelld onion braise; funkt fennld trout with plum-bob pickol paste. (And the other Mavens hike-ed their brows, being gormays them selfs, and now set to hungering an bit.)
And the Fifth Maven continued, saying, Let us tally the times he hath abuse-ed us. And they took an abacus, and did cipher the number. And the number was the number which many there knew as One, which offensical was in saying tonight, Now can I go and do this & that, these & those, anyata. And the Minister of Violence said, This is an exceeding number, forsooth, this One. And they were forst to agree.
And they said, Evoke unto us again all the dishes which he as dominator would have us to serve up unto him. And Maven Five did with relish revisit those evocations, him self being one of prodigius savors. And they marveled & swoond, and did hunger & froth, and their bellies put to tumbling in chorus.
And the Minister quelld the bellies with threats of eviscerasien, with threats of evisceratian quell-ed he them, and also his own. And he continued, saying, Seeing that he hath abuse-ed us on such exceeding tally of occasiens—we all have suffrd, let none give bunk the tally—and recalling that, in fact, we for some time have intended to injure him any way (yea, e’en from the hour he flew the womb and made at childhood, have we agreed in principol to move against him), then ’tis manifest that we must break down his door and cut him to pieces with yukyuk shears about three minutes from now. And the Minister’s chin thrusten forth, and he went to nodding, and posted a contrived countenance of casual contemplasien, as like as if collating all subtending considerasiens that had feeded into his ratiocinasien.
And the Second Maven, which was the Minister of Carnal Snares, spake, saying, Let us instead unto our loverless mats this night and brace our selfs with bracing sleep, and take our broadcakes & moocha [mo-wo-kə] in the morn, and then cut him to pieces after that. Aye aye? To
7
pieces after that.
And upon such did most agree, even to the Third Maven, which was the Mynister of Endocosmic Quanticol Fusien Speculasiens; and also the Fourth Mavin, which was the Ministra Obscura, Office of Hindsight & Dead Issues (tho, she holden back her ballot till the outcome were settld); and also the Sixth Maven agreed, which was the Minister of Maven Guvoment Adoration; and also Mayven Seven, which was that old Maven the Ministr of Fame and Image; and likewise Mhaven Eight, the Eighth Maivhen, which was the Buckminister of Sunsets, and Policy Whip on Matters of Sky.
And in agreeing, Bel Grande slippt and voted twice, once Yea, and once Yea With Condisiens. But the Fifth Maven, which were the Mnestor of Violence, he agreed not. This were his ballot, that he agree not, and he were welcome to it.
And said the First Maven, being Bel Grande (face blebbd from the curseblock potion that offereth him some protexian against a millien curses), We will attack o’morrow, then. And they brake each one his second finger, to seal their resolves and show common accord. But the Fifth Maven but pretenden to break his finger, crying out and moaning with the rest, in causeum nobelo anguisia pretendicus.
Copyright 2007 All Rights Reserved
| provincialthought home |
| 1. Death Bringeth Predicoments---pages 1-3 |
| 2. Prey to the Japes of Fate---(pages 3-5) |
| *UR HERE > 3. The Cutting Crew Detect a Man Worth Murdering-(page 5 cont.) |
| 4. Practice of Havoc---pages 7-11 |
| 5. Miraculous Knowledges Made for Play in the Sport of Belief---pages 11-13 |
| 6. Reform By The Shove of Gods---pages 13-15 |
| 7. Come Annexin, Come Again the Aulde as New---pages 15-16 |
 page 17 |
| jptArchives |